Conversations, House, Life

Reunited And It Feels So Good

Things I will have to get used to when living with Tina again:

1.) Wearing safety goggles to mask the thick layer of hairspray from my eyes.

2.) Tina’s constant wardrobe changes:

“Sam do you like this one better or this one?”

“Tina they’re the exact same color.”

“Perhaps to the untrained eye! Look a little closer–one is blue/green and the other is green/blue.”

“Damnit Tina we’re just going to bed.”

3.) Having to map out our house before every party so Tina can decide where everyone is going to sleep.

4.) Putting a protective layer over all electronic equipment. I already know my laptop will end up covered in miso soup.

5.) Having to wake up in the middle of the night because Tina decided it was the perfect time to paint a mural on MY WALL.

“Sam, is this light bothering you? Oh sorry I dripped paint on your hair.”

“Tina are you painting the ceiling?”

“Oh yea I thought I would replicate the Sistine Chapel for you. Like Leonardo.”

“Tina….Wrong ninja turtle.”

6.) Having to convince Tina there are no demons living in our house. But to be fair, she has to convince me the government isn’t spying on us with satellites, either.

7.) Regular sobbing sessions over anything and everything that reminds us of our Mom-mom.

8.) Having to use Lush toothy tabs that taste like absolute shit because she insists the other stuff will rot my teeth. Thanks, Lindsey.

9.) Talking Tina off the ledge once she’s found the cutest most abused animal in the whole wide world and wants to bring it in the house.

“No I will not play radio roulette with you. We all know how that shit ends. And, I can hear the baby bat flapping around inside your bedroom. I left you a list of bat sanctuaries. Guess you’ll be late for work today.”

10.) Living with someone who can talk me into virtually anything-regardless of my self-respect and well-being. But, hey it’s worth making your best friend smile.

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Dogs, House, Life, Stories

Playing House

Growing up, Sam and I spent a lot of time together. We have known each other for 32 years, and I held her the day she was born. I’m pretty sure that makes me her favorite person, but she won’t ever tell you that. We have always had a lot in common, and sometimes I think we share a brain. Over the past two decades, we have lived together multiple times. This is one of those times.

It’s been overwhelming AF to get everything moved from one state to another, even if that state is only an hour away. We are in the middle of some weird shit, but we are navigating it together. Sami brings sunshine and rainbows in the middle of the darkest storm. But, that could just be her sexy summer fade. She loves the ladies, and when she plays it right, it’s like summer-fucking-time all year round in this bitch. This bitch being our new dwelling.

Together, we have rescued many dogs. We will have three living with us in our new habitat, including one genius Border Collie, one grumpy-muggle puppy, and one blind/deaf double-merle Australian Shepherd.

We are obsessed with Sam’s nephew, Half-Lit, and we both spend a lot of time kissing his head.

I don’t know what else I can really tell you about the two of us, other than that we plan to rule as two Kings over our dominion, which will eventually include the world. We are both queer as folk, but she’s better with the terminology. I’m not sure how often Sam will help me post on this blog, considering she can’t swipe left when she’s not in the mood. But, I will do my best to showcase my best friend and platonic soul mate. If not for me, for the good of the land. Because, we like to keep it pushing ’round here. Our goal is to redefine ourselves, as individuals and friends–not to start over, but to move forward with as much class among the chaos as possible. And, by classy I mean trashy AF.