Things I will have to get used to when living with Tina again:
1.) Wearing safety goggles to mask the thick layer of hairspray from my eyes.
2.) Tina’s constant wardrobe changes:
“Sam do you like this one better or this one?”
“Tina they’re the exact same color.”
“Perhaps to the untrained eye! Look a little closer–one is blue/green and the other is green/blue.”
“Damnit Tina we’re just going to bed.”
3.) Having to map out our house before every party so Tina can decide where everyone is going to sleep.
4.) Putting a protective layer over all electronic equipment. I already know my laptop will end up covered in miso soup.
5.) Having to wake up in the middle of the night because Tina decided it was the perfect time to paint a mural on MY WALL.
“Sam, is this light bothering you? Oh sorry I dripped paint on your hair.”
“Tina are you painting the ceiling?”
“Oh yea I thought I would replicate the Sistine Chapel for you. Like Leonardo.”
“Tina….Wrong ninja turtle.”
6.) Having to convince Tina there are no demons living in our house. But to be fair, she has to convince me the government isn’t spying on us with satellites, either.
7.) Regular sobbing sessions over anything and everything that reminds us of our Mom-mom.
8.) Having to use Lush toothy tabs that taste like absolute shit because she insists the other stuff will rot my teeth. Thanks, Lindsey.
9.) Talking Tina off the ledge once she’s found the cutest most abused animal in the whole wide world and wants to bring it in the house.
“No I will not play radio roulette with you. We all know how that shit ends. And, I can hear the baby bat flapping around inside your bedroom. I left you a list of bat sanctuaries. Guess you’ll be late for work today.”
10.) Living with someone who can talk me into virtually anything-regardless of my self-respect and well-being. But, hey it’s worth making your best friend smile.